Hello again, dear readers!
Summer’s over and all of the middle school students are back to school. As for me, university life hasn’t resumed. Like last year, I’m here in the flight to Toronto writing this entry (I guess a 14-hour flight is enough time to write one). After vacation with my family in China, we went our separate ways. My second sister went to study in Shanghai, so we dropped her off after our trip there. In Hong Kong airport, I said my goodbyes to my grandparents and parents. As I was boarding, I felt sad and went teary-eyed for a bit there. Really can’t wait to see them again next year... Well, enough about that.
I’ve had a lot of fun experiences being back home for three months. Being with my friends again had been a true blessing indeed. When I was back in my first year, I heard a lot of news going on back in Indo. And when I was there, I did see and experience the effects of the changes that occurred. People change... I guess that’s one of the main things I learned throughout the three months.
Early last year, I had a major shake-up of my life. It happened before I started my second semester of senior high school. It was after sunset in Bali. We were sitting down for dinner with the MSI apostolic team when I asked about a member who was absent. No one gave me a direct answer, but Ms Fina took me aside. We stood on the shore and she told me the truth. It was the first time that words made me speechless for ten whole seconds. Ever since then, my perspective on people was never the same. People change because they aren’t perfect. Further confirmation on this actually took place this summer.
People change because of their surroundings. Whatever circumstances and whoever people close to them can form how they change. Changes sometimes help people grow. However, growth requires pruning. Be it habits, relationships, or ideas. After reflecting on this, I realize how humans are in total contrast with who God says He is. God is never changing. The same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Only someone perfect can be unaffected by the changes in his surroundings. Nothing in this world is perfect. This proves altogether true as I had to go through a change as well. From that experience, I learned the truth of our imperfection. And because of our imperfection, our only hope is to rely on the grace of God.
God has been very good to me. Within the three months, He placed me in a process of a mindset change. It was probably the first time I had to think a lot during my vacation! Through this process, I cried out several times to Him. It made me realize how much I depended on my own strength in the past. I called out to Him and He comforted me. I strayed away but He pulled me back. My relationship with God was not the same after the summer was over. Surely, God does show His love and mercy to those who follow Him.
One occassion occurred during VBS in June. It was the first day when that test just struck me. A negative thought had infected my mind. I felt bitter, confused, and frustrated. It was a nightmare... I had to preach the third day, but how could I when I’m in this state of mind?? I couldn’t sleep that night. I had all the reasons to be depressed and dejected. But I distinctly remembered that I cried out to God for help. Somehow, some way... He gave me composure. On the third day, I was able to deliver the sermon without this disturbance. However, the test wasn’t done. Yes, He helped me through the desperate times. But it’s still up to me whether I want that thought to sink in or be taken out.
One month passed and it was time for MSA’s annual high school camp. God dealt with me on the issue again on the third day. Ms Fina was preaching about the spirit of resentment and how it could destroy our destiny. Towards the end of her sermon, God spoke to me and pointed out that part in me. “Isn’t that what you’re actually doing?” a still voice reminded me. I felt deeply confronted and broke down there during the prayer. Ms Fina approached me and I told her everything. I remember the quotes she mentioned. “Remembering a past mistake is like drinking poison, hoping that it would kill the other.” There, I made the decision of dealing with the matter once and for all. I spoke with my mentor the Sunday after that and finally dealt with it the same week. Now, I’ve stopped drinking the poison and chose to release life instead. All of this could not have happened if God did not shape me in the first place. From then on, I looked at things differently. Granted, I’m not altogether perfect yet; however, I did see how God has a lot of things to show me in the years to come as I walk in His way.
